Just taking a moment to post from campus after completing a midterm.
I have a genetics study group in a few minutes and still have work to complete before a lab tonight.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day.
I choose to donate blood.
As some might already know it will be 11 years since my mom passed away come June.
When she was having chemotherapy there was a need for a few operations. One of those was the removale of her stomach and spleen just days after her diagnoses in 1992. She recieved a lot of bloos during those two years. This is my chance to give back. I have not always had the iron level they desire and have been turned away, also during the time I took accutane I could not donate, so here we are. I am healthy and can donate. I am not sure my body really suffers much from it, but I feel like my spirit thrives. We can't help that people and pets come and go in our lives but we can make the most of our time with those around us and we can make the most of their memories. Tears don't come like to they use. I am not cold about this, it is just that I have found a place in heart to hold those I love and I don't want pain associated with those memories.
I had a bad dream about Jinx last night. I don't know if it was triggered from yesterday but it was scary. I held him close and panted lots of kisses all over him. Then we slept in, together. He is my life raft, I know that is heavy for him and I don't want it to be, but hopefully he loves me as much or at least realizes I am the one that drives the car so he can get muddy in the forest.
None the less it is getting close to my study session.
Don't forget the Iditarod starts in 17 days (go check it out)
also the Westminster Dog is annoucing Best in Show tonight....sorry Jinx wasn't feel up to all the attention, we bagged out. HAHAHA, Sorry, they don't like those of the mixed breeds, I think there should be a mutt best in Show.
A girl wading through the world with eyes wide open.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Happy Mardi Gras!!!!!
But alas I am not in New Orleans or Mexico or Brazil or the Caribbean and therefore there is no real celebration of Carnival. Instead I am studying for a lab exam I have this evening and nursing a cold wishing Jinx could walk himself. It is about 34 degrees here and for me that is COLD!!! For Jinx I think it is heaven.
This morning while having coffee I looked around, through my puffy, watering eyes and watched as the place filled up. Noticing just how negative energy seems to float in a place, I can't stand it and it takes so much work to change it. But I try and I would rather give up the energy than revel in the pit of less than neutrality. I understand from working in a coffee that some people are picky.....I don't think I am one of those but there is a basic level of service that I like, hot coffee. That is it. I don't think it is asking too much but see at this shop they have lots of competition from bigger places, but I think if you skimp on quality you are going to loose business. There are times that I would rather walk the four blocks to another shop and get an Americano, because I know it will be hot. So, here is the deal, I can usually tolerate my coffee not being piping hot but if I am the only one in line or a particular person is working I will ask for my cup to be preheated, a few of the girls do this for everyone, it is a great gesture and is well rewarded ( I tip fairly well because I know what it is like). But there is one thing I can't stand and I don't think it is good for a person to do is act like a pain or fill the order incorrectly just because someone asks for something a little more than what they want to put in to it. I understand everyone has a bad day and I am no expection, but I don't want my bad days to be contagious. My coffee was good and hot but there was one thing it lacked, pleasant service. Which is a shame considering I am in there all the time, but this morning the whole coffee shop had this energy. The people that work at the coffee shop often come to be customers there. Students fill tables for hours sometimes without ordering anything at all. I try not to stay too long during these rush times, everyone wants to enjoy their coffee and they are paying to be there, so I figure they should at least have to opportunity to sip and sit. Upon watching the one male employee of the place (he lives upstairs) snag a table, larger than the one he had been sitting at, right out from under an older gentleman I was ashamed to be young and ashamed that I had a book opened with half a cup of coffee and no extra chair to offer the man. I can't say for certain if morally this was a wrong move on either of our parts, the boy or me. But I can say that at that moment, 10 mintues after I got there I was determined to finish my coffee and leave, hoping that my table would be well appreciated. I put my book away and quickly drank down the rest of the hot liquid and a man was standing about 3 feet away, waiting. I asked if they would like my table. Of course. Why do we fear talking with strangers? I talk to some people in the coffee shop that I don't know, but some have a wall that sends vibes about not talking. How do we get that way in life, how to do send messages that we are not accesible, why do we? All I can say for certain is that ..............well I don't know that I can say anything for certain but I can say that New Orleans has magic about it that allows people to pass words back and forth without any weight, just conversation, everyone one someone front porch kind of feel. I miss that.
And today is Mardi Gras........I think I just miss New Orleans.
But there are things that I love here too.
More on that later. I do have to study.
But alas I am not in New Orleans or Mexico or Brazil or the Caribbean and therefore there is no real celebration of Carnival. Instead I am studying for a lab exam I have this evening and nursing a cold wishing Jinx could walk himself. It is about 34 degrees here and for me that is COLD!!! For Jinx I think it is heaven.
This morning while having coffee I looked around, through my puffy, watering eyes and watched as the place filled up. Noticing just how negative energy seems to float in a place, I can't stand it and it takes so much work to change it. But I try and I would rather give up the energy than revel in the pit of less than neutrality. I understand from working in a coffee that some people are picky.....I don't think I am one of those but there is a basic level of service that I like, hot coffee. That is it. I don't think it is asking too much but see at this shop they have lots of competition from bigger places, but I think if you skimp on quality you are going to loose business. There are times that I would rather walk the four blocks to another shop and get an Americano, because I know it will be hot. So, here is the deal, I can usually tolerate my coffee not being piping hot but if I am the only one in line or a particular person is working I will ask for my cup to be preheated, a few of the girls do this for everyone, it is a great gesture and is well rewarded ( I tip fairly well because I know what it is like). But there is one thing I can't stand and I don't think it is good for a person to do is act like a pain or fill the order incorrectly just because someone asks for something a little more than what they want to put in to it. I understand everyone has a bad day and I am no expection, but I don't want my bad days to be contagious. My coffee was good and hot but there was one thing it lacked, pleasant service. Which is a shame considering I am in there all the time, but this morning the whole coffee shop had this energy. The people that work at the coffee shop often come to be customers there. Students fill tables for hours sometimes without ordering anything at all. I try not to stay too long during these rush times, everyone wants to enjoy their coffee and they are paying to be there, so I figure they should at least have to opportunity to sip and sit. Upon watching the one male employee of the place (he lives upstairs) snag a table, larger than the one he had been sitting at, right out from under an older gentleman I was ashamed to be young and ashamed that I had a book opened with half a cup of coffee and no extra chair to offer the man. I can't say for certain if morally this was a wrong move on either of our parts, the boy or me. But I can say that at that moment, 10 mintues after I got there I was determined to finish my coffee and leave, hoping that my table would be well appreciated. I put my book away and quickly drank down the rest of the hot liquid and a man was standing about 3 feet away, waiting. I asked if they would like my table. Of course. Why do we fear talking with strangers? I talk to some people in the coffee shop that I don't know, but some have a wall that sends vibes about not talking. How do we get that way in life, how to do send messages that we are not accesible, why do we? All I can say for certain is that ..............well I don't know that I can say anything for certain but I can say that New Orleans has magic about it that allows people to pass words back and forth without any weight, just conversation, everyone one someone front porch kind of feel. I miss that.
And today is Mardi Gras........I think I just miss New Orleans.
But there are things that I love here too.
More on that later. I do have to study.
Monday, February 07, 2005
School is keeping my very busy these days. The writing class is by far my favorite, but the only problem is that now stories run not stop in my mind all the time.
I think about all the driving I have done. Mostly the roadtrips I have been thinking about lately have me driving across Kansas or through Texas......long drives through areas that really are some place. Places I thought before were just obstructions on the map, places that could drop away and the gaps close, more closer together and fuse a new state line. But I think I like they way they are....they offer adventure and stories. Amarillo.....there are songs written about this place, from my experience I am not sure why, but I was just passing through and now I have a story about, just like that. I do plan on writing some of these stories. These places have painted themselves into my brain and I have to write about them, it doesn't feel like a choice. But I think I will enjoy the doing it, learning the story as I write it.
Speaking of stories....................
25 Days until the start of Iditarod 2005
I think about all the driving I have done. Mostly the roadtrips I have been thinking about lately have me driving across Kansas or through Texas......long drives through areas that really are some place. Places I thought before were just obstructions on the map, places that could drop away and the gaps close, more closer together and fuse a new state line. But I think I like they way they are....they offer adventure and stories. Amarillo.....there are songs written about this place, from my experience I am not sure why, but I was just passing through and now I have a story about, just like that. I do plan on writing some of these stories. These places have painted themselves into my brain and I have to write about them, it doesn't feel like a choice. But I think I will enjoy the doing it, learning the story as I write it.
Speaking of stories....................
25 Days until the start of Iditarod 2005
Sunday, February 06, 2005
I really want to write about love. But alas, I don't think I can. It has been a long time since I have whispered those three little words and I often wonder if my chances on love have just run out or I purposely put myself in a position not to be loved. It is sad really. But I do remember how large the heart feels and warm the body can be with arms of my love wrapped around me as we fall asleep. I miss playing footsies from the opposite end of the couch, or those little smiles when you catch each other looking......a message is passed in that moment with no words. I do believe that as love grows so does this form of communication. I think the soul grows to be very rich from loving and being loved.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Saturday, February 05, 2005
I had a great run this morning.I think I have to give up alcohol for this month too. I had two glasses of wine last night and it was fine but I didn't sleep well and I didn't like waking up knowing that I chose two glasses of wine over lifting weights.....for a few reasons but none the less. The run in the woods produced more lactic acid that I am used to, I think because I took it too easy this week with all the working out. I am going to do weights this afternoon and one more run so that the mutt will stay tired. I have some studying to do but not the kind that stresses me out all weekend.Today was just a beautiful day.The run in the woods brought a rush of emotions and memories, it was good. I thought back to being a child and planning with my friends our outing. We were notorious for taking off in the early morning hours to go hiking. We'd let out about 5am with backpacks stuffed with blankets and food. I never went too far but it was a bit of a hike. The one time that really hit was when the temperature had dropped to 17 below and I was staying with a friend. My mom brought me more cloths and mittens because she was not sure I would be warm enough, ((((((hugs)))))) moms are great. I was 7. But I still remember that day and the next morning. With our backpacks stuffed at the last minute we decided that we would roast Cheerios over birthday candles, I guess I was attracted to fire even back then. Not I just seem to start the fires. We made the trek up the mountain and huddled against the rock face we waited on that December morning for the sun. It would be nearly an hour before it came up, we were freezing and laughing from the pain of it. Fire. Of course, birthday candles don't produce much heat and would have gotten a serious whippin' if we were to set the hillside on fire, we weren't even suppose to have matches or candles for that matter. But there we were, freezing and trying to warm our little hands over the candles. Forget it. With the bankets wrapped around us and before the sun was up we headed down that rocky mountain. Rocks jutting out, rocks we thought might just be the backbone of the devil, where do children get these ideas? We climbed down and as we got to the pasture the sun began to rise, we still saw the sunrise but we couldn't hold out huddled together up there in what might have been some degrees below zero. I and this same friend would end up having so many adventures and would both lose our mom's too early. She lost her mom before we turned 8 and I would lose mine less than 8 years after that. It is not sad, much like these memories are fun to recall, I have a special place in my heart and soul for those that no longer exist here in their physical form. So, when I hit those trails I carry everyone with me, I take pictures in my mind that I want to share. I have stories that I tell as I run up, as I watch my dog run further and harder. I have these tales that I can tell but it never take writing or talking to share them. It is just my way and it makes me feel like a part of everything, a molecule in a complicated structure.
I had a great run this morning.I think I have to give up alcohol for this month too. I had two glasses of wine last night and it was fine but I didn't sleep well and I didn't like waking up knowing that I chose two glasses of wine over lifting weights.....for a few reasons but none the less. The run in the woods produced more lactic acid that I am used to, I think because I took it too easy this week with all the working out. I am going to do weights this afternoon and one more run so that the mutt will stay tired. I have some studying to do but not the kind that stresses me out all weekend.Today was just a beautiful day.The run in the woods brought a rush of emotions and memories, it was good. I thought back to being a child and planning with my friends our outing. We were notorious for taking off in the early morning hours to go hiking. We'd let out about 5am with backpacks stuffed with blankets and food. I never went too far but it was a bit of a hike. The one time that really hit was when the temperature had dropped to 17 below and I was staying with a friend. My mom brought me more cloths and mittens because she was not sure I would be warm enough, ((((((hugs)))))) moms are great. I was 7. But I still remember that day and the next morning. With our backpacks stuffed at the last minute we decided that we would roast Cheerios over birthday candles, I guess I was attracted to fire even back then. Not I just seem to start the fires. We made the trek up the mountain and huddled against the rock face we waited on that December morning for the sun. It would be nearly an hour before it came up, we were freezing and laughing from the pain of it. Fire. Of course, birthday candles don't produce much heat and would have gotten a serious whippin' if we were to set the hillside on fire, we weren't even suppose to have matches or candles for that matter. But there we were, freezing and trying to warm our little hands over the candles. Forget it. With the bankets wrapped around us and before the sun was up we headed down that rocky mountain. Rocks jutting out, rocks we thought might just be the backbone of the devil, where do children get these ideas? We climbed down and as we got to the pasture the sun began to rise, we still saw the sunrise but we couldn't hold out huddled together up there in what might have been some degrees below zero. I and this same friend would end up having so many adventures and would both lose our mom's too early. She lost her mom before we turned 8 and I would lose mine less than 8 years after that. It is not sad, much like these memories are fun to recall, I have a special place in my heart and soul for those that no longer exist here in their physical form. So, when I hit those trails I carry everyone with me, I take pictures in my mind that I want to share. I have stories that I tell as I run up, as I watch my dog run further and harder. I have these tales that I can tell but it never take writing or talking to share them. It is just my way and it makes me feel like a part of everything, a molecule in a complicated structure.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
It is nearing a time that I should be going to bed. I can't. For some reason lately I don't seem to sleep so well. Not sure how to fix this. I have a weight training appointment in the morning.....I have to wonder if I was happy with my few extra pounds. Though, I will admit that I am not making any effort, that is both sad and a bit of a relief. Just weight lifting mostly. It is weird that the scale says I have lost weight but I don't feel it much. I suppose it is like anything, sometimes we don't feel like we are doing enough. I never feel like I am doing enough.
A friend was trying to explain to me about spider veins in the fat tissue and that my body will metabolize these and I will no longer see them. I think I am going to have to go early for coffee to see the guy that teaches the physiology class, I can't figure this one out. It would be great if that is what happened but I asked another person about it today and he said that he didn't know and then proceed to tell about about they are removed professionally. That was interesting but none the less I still have no answer. I have spider veins and one group is really bad behind my knee. By the way, most of the spider veins are around my knees and showed up around puberty.
Anyone on this???
Jinx had a good treat tonight, I fed him two short ribs from a cow. He was happy.
A friend was trying to explain to me about spider veins in the fat tissue and that my body will metabolize these and I will no longer see them. I think I am going to have to go early for coffee to see the guy that teaches the physiology class, I can't figure this one out. It would be great if that is what happened but I asked another person about it today and he said that he didn't know and then proceed to tell about about they are removed professionally. That was interesting but none the less I still have no answer. I have spider veins and one group is really bad behind my knee. By the way, most of the spider veins are around my knees and showed up around puberty.
Anyone on this???
Jinx had a good treat tonight, I fed him two short ribs from a cow. He was happy.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Wow......I am finally finding a moment or rather making a moment to get over here.
The fog has set in and it is starting to get cold around here again.
I have a paper due in the morning and I need to work on it tonight but Jinx must have hit some teenage something or another because he has taken to being a pill late at night. I suppose it could be me and we don't do near enough running, but damn. I could take him for 5 miles a day and he would still want to play just when I sit down to finish my work. It is not his fault really. It is mine, I should be giving him more attention, finding something we could do that is more mentally demanding and in the end more draining. Flyball perhaps. I don't like to get upset when he is crying at night and I am trying to read.....I love him too much for that. I can't imagine going through school with children.
Tonight in my anatomy lab we were measuring action potential. So let me describe this little project or how it started anyway....deciding that I had the smallest legs (not a compliment, really) I was the one that would be connected to the electrodes. Great. We smeared some jelly on me, just for the sake of this it really does look that KY glue, I mean lube....the stuff in the tube that they use for all sorts of sticky things, but the gel went on two places on my calf and then then the sticky tabs were attached and the electrodes on top of that and then we attaced the grounding electrode to my wrist. Tapping my achilles tendon we were measuring how long it too the message to get to my spinal cord and then send a message back to my foot causing plantar flexion. I am a slow relexor....or it was just that I was so tired. It is a weird position to be in, lab partners can tap and tap and watch your foot twitch and you have no control. But we had more trials of action potential with other tasks. I got to tap knees, it was funny. I have a great lab group. So that was lab. Now I am going to have to finish my paper.
The fog has set in and it is starting to get cold around here again.
I have a paper due in the morning and I need to work on it tonight but Jinx must have hit some teenage something or another because he has taken to being a pill late at night. I suppose it could be me and we don't do near enough running, but damn. I could take him for 5 miles a day and he would still want to play just when I sit down to finish my work. It is not his fault really. It is mine, I should be giving him more attention, finding something we could do that is more mentally demanding and in the end more draining. Flyball perhaps. I don't like to get upset when he is crying at night and I am trying to read.....I love him too much for that. I can't imagine going through school with children.
Tonight in my anatomy lab we were measuring action potential. So let me describe this little project or how it started anyway....deciding that I had the smallest legs (not a compliment, really) I was the one that would be connected to the electrodes. Great. We smeared some jelly on me, just for the sake of this it really does look that KY glue, I mean lube....the stuff in the tube that they use for all sorts of sticky things, but the gel went on two places on my calf and then then the sticky tabs were attached and the electrodes on top of that and then we attaced the grounding electrode to my wrist. Tapping my achilles tendon we were measuring how long it too the message to get to my spinal cord and then send a message back to my foot causing plantar flexion. I am a slow relexor....or it was just that I was so tired. It is a weird position to be in, lab partners can tap and tap and watch your foot twitch and you have no control. But we had more trials of action potential with other tasks. I got to tap knees, it was funny. I have a great lab group. So that was lab. Now I am going to have to finish my paper.
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