I am sick today.

declarative statement. I am all about them.

I want to be in my bed. My real bed. Or on my couch, but I loaned it to a friend and my favorite bookself. But they are being well cared for and so is Katie the dog I gave to him. Actually, maybe I didn't give her to him, maybe she chose him and it was just meant to be.

I want to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's. It really is a great movie. I feel like watching a sappy movie. A movie that will move me to tears. I don't fear any tears today. They might be a good thing. Sometimes, I feel like I need an emotional release and today is one of those days. Either I am way too hormonal. Trying to balance this out. It is one way women are given a little power to control their lives.
So, I am feeling the need to snuggle into bed and watch old sappy movies that will make me cry. Crying is good for the soul. so is laughing but sometimes tears are what we need to shed for some reason. I know there is a biologically reason I am sure, there has be, we don't have things for no reason.

I found a coffee shop that is closer to my house. I won't have to drive all the way to New Orleans to get a cup. In fact I think I am going to take my tired self there. No show, just go as I am. Okay, I will change out of my pajamas. I miss my cargo pants and doc martens. I didn't bring these, because i did not want to spend my days dressed in the cloths that i love so much. i spent all last winter wearing my fleece diving tights under my cargo pants with my dock martens. it gets cold in portland and it is much warmer that way. but very unsexy??? hell no. it is damn sexy. it is what is under all the warm cloths. those days seem so long ago.

it is a new year, a new day and a new beginning. what will this year bring?

Feelin very Bridget Jonesish. Telling ya'll about my food consumption and eating habits.

Listening to Crossing Muddy Waters. It was the first Hiatt concert I saw. He was solo and played at the Aladdin in Portland. I was so excited I barely remember much about it. It was November 3 or something of 2000.

So listening to JH, eating dinner (which could be a whole paper alone. i cooked and i love to cook. there is something so wholesome and wonderful about it. just because i know everyone is dying to read my philiosophy on food here goes. i believe when cooking for myself that limiting the number of items to 3 is good. for health and time. that means that i made brown basmati rice, roasted brussel sprouts (one of jinx's favorites) and cajun fried tofu (jinx prefers beef suet to tofu and raw yams to rice). sure tell me that tofu is not cajun. that is okay. because now i have a cajun seasoning and everything that isn't already cajun can be in a matter of moments.

cajun tofu is the best. i am very excited by my domestic skills. sure it was nothing extreme on the cooking end but it was something that was incredibly pleasurable to eat. i ate alone but i did let the fried chicken eating housemate sample the tofu and the brussel sprouts. he is using my cranberry juice to drink his vodka. oh, well, that means that he is not pestering me.

feeling very sleepy and thinking about spend the rest of the evening in my pajamas. it is too easy to make yourself tired here. i have done wore myself out. too many late night coffees. but today, i had no coffee. i will probably go through withdrawal (oh, don't worry, I have not quit...just giving myself a break) but I hope that this will allow me to sleep better. maybe i can convince the anole that lives in my room that i need a snuggly pet....probably getting a cold blooded animal to snuggle with is a bad idea.

I am also job hunting. Sure, I am here as long as I want to stay and can take other internships. I am not getting any younger and this is starting to feel pathetic. I just want to work for one year straight before I let myself think about grad school too much, otherwise....well i have left my options open to return to Oregon for a graduate program but being here in Louisiana is amazing. I want to stay. Tell them to keep me. I don't always eat tofu. I like the alligators.

Any advice on setting a picture in my post? Ya'll must see an anole.

Green Tea and toast, not just any toast. It is yummy with nuts and raisins. I am listening to Cowboy Junkies, the Lay it Down Cd. It reminds me of my old apartment in Corvallis. I loved my apartment. I loved the salamander I had as a pet in those days. Her name was Mandy and she was Pacific Giant Salamander aka Dicamptodon ensatus (maybe it is tenebrosus...I'm not sure what is going on with this placement). She was a good pet for three years. She lived in an aquarium and was in a larval stage for all three years. It is probably fair to say that she was in a state of neoteny. That is that she retained her juvenile traits while becoming sexually mature. She was 10 inches long and ate lots of tubifex worms and ocassionally some blood worms. Salamanders make good pets. They don't shed. They don't require feeding everyday. They never complain about music selection or the fact that the goldfish they never ate became their best friend. Sssshhhh, best not to tell the goldfish about how it lived because one day the salamander ate too many and it (the one remaining goldfish) grew too big to eat.

Oh, I want to tell you about how salamanders prefer living in the water because it is a much more secure environment. They have external gills that look like fingers coming out of their heads. If life gets too hard or the water is going to dry up they absorb these gills and become the salamander most of us recognize.

Today I am reading about snakes and alligators. I am writing a program for the canoe tour I give this weekend. I really wished I could give a canoe tour a day. I don't mind that some people canoe in circles. They eventually learn but most importantly is that they are spending time on their refuge. It is like when I was teaching scuba, when a person sees underwater for the first time, when they see that first lingcod or octopus and their eyes light up, as an instructor you have your reward. Hopefully, you have done your job and educated your divers about responsible interaction with the wildlife. This is true with hiking and canoeing as well. It is a beautiful experience when a child realizes that they have the biggest backyard and that it is full of birds, alligators and fish. What is even better is when an adult awakens to the same realization.

I must start getting more sleep. My excuse is the housemate from hell. But I try not to waste the little energy I have remaining to discuss him.